Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Radio Boohoo

Penicuik and the Bronx have a lotta things in common - the most obvious being that they've both given this beautiful world more than their share o tiptop dj's. In fact, it's fair to point out that Penicuik per capita has produced more tasty turntablists than any other ex-coalmining community in Midlothian.

Due to recent enforced idleness (gee thanks, all you bank execs), i've been helping Penicuik's favourite acid house dj with an extensive decorating project in the Ferry. This is a good thing cos it gets me up sharp, the banter's barry and my bloated torso's been put through a decent work out every day. My soft wee office worker's mitts are takin a tankin but that's well worth it for the respect i now get from other blue collars in the street - spesh when spattered in dust and paint.

I'm no gonna start readin the Sun, whistlin at burdz or drivin like a fanny - they're aw white van man myths. But there is one dreadful aspect to this, which is that Mr Acid Hoose dj listens to Radio 2. And i like it. Easy to scoff but after a few days whistlin along wi the likes o Diana Ross, 10cc, the Carpenters, Sister Sledge, Stevie Wonder, Take That, Leo Sayer and shit i even heard the Jam a coupla days ago, i was fair lookin forward to Lionel Richie's live session on Ken Bruce's mid morning show. Check it oot here and tell me it isnae solid gold.

Ken's patter's pish ('dry wit' the website says - it's lyin) but his choons are ace and his wee pop quiz ay gets me an the dj goin. Ken's followed at noon by Jeremy Vine - far snappier on the radio than he is on Panorama. Jezz likes to chuck a lotta news and interviews in wi the music and, bein a current affairs sorta gadge, time fair zooms roond fir me til 2 when erm....Steve Wright comes on. Okay, Steve Wright, tis tricky to defend the man who so blighted the Radio 1 of my youth but hey, just listen and learn. This man embodies my staunch belief that naeb'dy's irredeemable.

After Wrightie, it's Chris Evans of whom Jim Royle once so eloquently remarked, "He may be a millionaire, but he's still got ginger pubes." Clearly the ginger pubes were the positive side of that equation and Evans has gone up in my estimation since he so spectacularly lost the plot, lost all those jobs, lost the gaggle o sycophants and discovered a bit of humility. A decent radio show, well paced and cleverly presented. I'll never get old hamster chops Wogan though. For all his Oirish charm, he's way too Daliy Mail fir me and the radio stays well off til the Bruce at half 9.

So this would all be kinda okay if i didnae have to admit that the dj and me were both painting in time and singin along to ahem......Summer Lovin. Most ashamedly, we both knew all the words and our brushtrokes were beat perfect. Seems like great auntie Judy was absolutely right when she told us that auld age doesnae come itsel. Oh well.


  1. Hahaha!!! That last paragraph made up for Lionel Richie's face showing up on my blog!


  2. All very well Naldo, but you've missed out the highlight of the day on R2. Radcliffe and Maconie at 8pm. You need to put in a spot of overtime mate.
    And you're bang on about Ken.... his patter is pish. We have R2 on in the office all day, but thankfully at a level where I can happily hum along to the tunes but miss out on the relentless drivel being spouted by Ken et al.

  3. How can you all be so down on my pal Lorna's Uncle Ken?

    Not so long ago while driving back from my mother in law's I listened to a two hour Jonny Walker documentary and interview with Rod Stewart on Radio 2.

    Though to be fair, by the end of it I did feel like driving into oncoming traffic.

  4. Ms TB, I can only apologise for any trauma caused by Lionel's coupon besmirching the otherwise phototastic face of One Slice At A Time. I'm off to a music festival on the banks of Loch Ness at the weekend and wil do all i can to place a pic of Nessie on your smashing blog early next week.

    But i should point out that on Monday afternoon, Lionel was described by Steve Wright as "A great artist and a lovely, lovely man." Who am I to argue with Wrightie? (Actually Wright's just a creepie crawlie name dropper.)

  5. Ah Lionel Richie, in the late 70's he got me some of the sex, the girlies loved him (Commodores). Sadly it wasn't to be All night long..... Oh well, memories......

  6. Aye but Neil, i bet you turn the radio up for Ken's quiz.

    I didnae used to dig Maconie til i read his book "Cider With Roadies". Very funny if yer into 80's post punk and self deprecation. Maconie also told the world that (can i have a P please) Bob Holness played sax on Baker Street, so he gets my vote for that alone.

    15 years ago Mark (Radcliffe) and Lard used to be barry on R1 in the mornings. And i could use the dosh so am well up for a spotta overtime.

  7. Al, sorry man, i forgot about your Lorna link to the stars. You should make up some hilarious tale about Lorna being sent to stores for a tin o tartan paint and a long stand on her first day at work. Ken'll read that out. Guaranteed.

    Rod the Mod (or Fraud) as Mr Acid House calls him. He's the one who tries to sound like that gadge fae Boyzone, huh?

  8. Were you Dancin on the Ceilin though, Dougie? And did you ever tell some lucky lass that she was 3 times a lady?

    You'd probly have received a swift doughboy on the hooter for bein cheesy if you had.

  9. naldo,

    Forget Maconie and try Maca Noo Noo.